100 Lessons From 1000 Days of Travel

Today marks our thousandth day of longterm travel. So here are 100 lessons I’ve learnt from those — almost entirely wonderful – 1000 days.

1. Most People Are Kind. Yes, really. Whether it’s scooping up a lost child and delivering him home, driving out of their way to show you the route or stopping by the roadside to hand out a blanket at a breakdown, most people in most of the world are fundamentally kind.

2.Moonrise Beats Sunrise Hands Down. White moonrise over the ocean? A red moonrise over the desert? A late-rising moon in the middle of nowhere is one of the most amazing things you’ll see.

3. Big Ticket Sights Are Almost Always Worth It. The only truly disappointing must-see for us was the Mona Lisa – although the Northern Lights weren’t at their most awe-inspiring that night, either. But if you’re within 50 miles of one of the wonders of the world and don’t see it, you’ll be kicking yourself for decades.

4. Big Ticket Restaurants Often Aren’t. The world’s great chefs don’t tend to labour away at long-established brands. Most famous restaurants are resting on their fame, not their kitchen. That said – who wouldn’t want to try carpaccio and a Bellini in the place where they were created?

5.Sometimes It Pays To Wear A Wedding Ring. Yeah, I know. The old wedding ring thing. Such a cliché. Does anyone actually do that? Well, from the glances at my ring finger while travelling in Egypt and the reactions after it was found naked, I’d thoroughly recommend it if you’re solo with a child.

6. People Generally Like It If You Try To Speak Their Language. With the exception of Paris, which is, well, special, Germany, Austria, Holland and the Nordics, where the average 12-year-old speaks more grammatical English than many London adults, and international social elites, most people will be pleased if you try and speak their language, however badly.

7. You Can Almost Always Find A Place To Stay. Look in a guidebook, look on Agoda, ask at the bus station, or wander around town. Or, if you’re stranded on a small island on the Mekong because you thought you could paddle 40k in a leaky skiff at low water in a day, you can plead and plead in sign language until someone puts you up for money.

8. Which Brings Me To… Wear a Lifejacket… Like most people, I laugh in the face of danger, until I’m actually in it. “Wear a lifejacket for windsurfing?! Are you MAD?!” But that moment when your kayak emerges from a sheltered bay into heavy swell and you realise that neither you nor your child are wearing lifejackets is the moment you realise these things exist for a reason.

9.And, Relatedly… Wear A Seatbelt. Seatbelts are thin on the ground in many parts of the world. The locals are not , however, immune to car crashes. They just have a culturally higher tolerance of death. Ever since taking out a window with my head at 70kph, I am punctilious about seatbelts.

10.Coral Reef is the Best Place to Watch an Eco-System in Action. You could spend days on safari and not see predators in action: on a coral reef, you can watch the hunt, by day or night.

11. Doctors Are Doctors, Wherever You Are. We’ve received medical care of one kind or another on four continents, and, while doctors in poorer countries, or in state health services, might not have the facilities you’d expect, they’re normally intelligent, caring, highly educated professionals.

12. Travel Is Not a Cure-All. Travel makes life more interesting, and can build strengths you didn’t know you had. But it won’t transform who you are. If you live with depression, the black dog will trail you on the road. If you’re desperate for a partner, solo travel won’t cure that. Results, as they say on quack medicine, may vary.

11. Your Body Adapts To New Climates, But Not For a Few Days. Transitioning from the snow to the tropics, or even the tropics to the desert, stink, spots and bad hair are routine as your body adapts to its new regulatory regime.

12. Your Best Friends Are Your Old Friends. The depth of friendship that comes from a shared common history you get with folk you’ve grown up, gone to uni with, raised your kids with, or known since you first started work, is hard to replicate with friends you meet on the road – though those friendships can grow and develop over time.

13. Street Food Rocks. It’s cheap, it’s delicious, it’s often more authentic than what you get in restaurants, it’s typically what the locals eat, and it can help build up your immune system. Result!

14. Fear Is Normal. I am scared of many things. From heights to reverse parking to deep diving to ladybirds (yes, really). This doesn’t stop me trekking at heights, deep diving or braving various sorts of insect in the jungle, because the rewards of these things are worth working through the fear.

15. There Is Such A Thing As Being Too Keen To Please. Especially in Asia, folks hate to say no. Which means that, when asked “Do you know the way to X?”, or “Is there a bus to Y?”, they will say, “Yes,” because they’d really hate to disappoint you. It’s helpful to phrase questions in a way that allows for a response that isn’t a straight no.

16. Most of What You Read About Location Independent Living is Bullshit. Is chasing invoices and struggling to hit deadlines better on a ropy internet connection with a view of a tropical beach than it would be in a cubicle, or at home elsewhere? Yes. But it still ain’t fun.

Also, no one outside of stock photos ever takes their laptop to the beach. Why? There’s sand, there’s seawater, there’s no plug points and often nowhere to leave it while you swim.

17. Polytheistic Societies Are Kinder. I don’t know what it is about monotheism but, despite the diktats on charity in all three Sky God religions, you’re more likely to find kindness and tolerance in places where religion permits multiple beliefs and practices.

18. Most Cultural Etiquette Is Easy To Adopt. It doesn’t take very long in any culture to catch on to the basics – whether that’s to do with the soles of the feet, the appropriate use of the left hand, or what parts of the (usually female) body to keep covered. Although small children smoking – albeit as a way of repelling mosquitoes – does take a while to get used to, particularly it’s when their mother handing them the cigarette.

19. Chinese Medicine Can Work. I’m not a huge fan of the big pharma marketing machine, but I do prefer evidence-based medicine – and, in mainland China, Chinese medicine is increasingly evidence-based. Earthworm works on asthma? Who knew?!

20. It May Look Pretty from the Outside, but Poverty is Never Idyllic. It’s easy to assume that folk who live with very little lead better, happier lives than those in the developed West. But infant mortality, death in childbirth, low life expectancy, limited access to education and social immobility are not good things, and it’s patronising to think they are.

21. Consumerism Is Consumerism. Buying things for the house, experiences for the memories or yoga retreats for the inner peace are all forms of consumption.

22. Some People Don’t Like To Travel. Travelling the world non-stop is a dream for most people, right? Umm, no. Some people don’t like to travel at all. Other people like to pick up some cheap plane tickets, take a vacation and then go back to real life. Plenty of people start longterm travel and bail after a month or so. And, well, that’s fine.

23. Relatedly… Not Everyone Likes to Talk About Travel. They might well rather talk about X’s new job, Y’s divorce, A’s new baby, or B’s new house. Because that stuff’s important too.

24. The Dutch Get Everywhere. Perhaps because they come from a small, flat country and speak a bunch of languages, perhaps because they were once seafarers, the number of Dutch people you’ll meet around the world is wildly out of proportion to their population.

25. The Most Surprising Places Have Good Waterparks. In Lebanon, Hezbollah are working on a waterpark near their main tourist attraction, Hezbollahland (burkinis, I guess, optional). We’ve found great waterparks in Vietnam and Turkey, inter alia.

26. Carrying Your Life On Your Back Is Very Freeing. We have a backpack each, a tote bag and a camera bag. So we can be packed up, out of one place and onto the next in 15 minutes. If we want new clothes, we throw stuff out. If we want new books, we trade them in. It’s a very easy and freeing way to live – a lot of decisions are taken from you, and possessions don’t really count.

27. School Does Itself, Apart from Maths. A child can learn most things they’d learn in school on the road – and much, much more. Hard maths and hard science are about the only subjects that don’t really teach themselves.

28. Skype is a Godsend. When I started travelling, an international call meant a trip to a phone exchange and a spend of a pound or more a minute – and the person had to be in when you called. Zac chats to his parents and grandparents on Skype, and games online with his friends. It’s hard to describe how transformative that is.

29. Anyone Can Get Better At Photography. Take enough photos, and you’ll want a decent camera. Get a decent camera, and you’ll start to understand composition. Work with editing software, and you’ll make the end results better, and start shooting better beginnings. And then you start on the slippery slope to lenses…

30. Flying Sucks. The only green form of travel is self-powered (foot, bicycle, sail or paddle), but flying is the least green transportation out there. It also involves hours in airports, endless security checks, lots of queues, drying air, limited legroom and typically a dislocating arrival in the wrong timezone.

31. One of the Best Things About Exploring New Places is the Mundane. It’s market day, not the tourist market, but the food market. It’s a trip to the supermarket in China, a mall in the Philippines, a hole-in-the-wall joint in Turkey. It’s the normal things that normal people do that provide some of the best insights into local life.

32. The World Is Changing Faster Than Ever. Even the simplest mobile phone is functionally identical to the Star Trek transponders that went with galactic super-empire in the 1960s – smartphones are vastly more sophisticated – and they are driving change at a similar rate.

33. Good Enough Is Good Enough. The only thing you can do is do your best. And some days, you won’t even manage that. And you know what? That’s OK too.

34. Where There is Poverty, There is Sex Tourism. In Asia, it’s greying Western men with Asian chicks who could be their grand-daughters; in Africa and the Middle East, it’s late-blonded Western women with young hot studs who could be their sons.

35. Meeting People Is Easy. Go to a bar and sit at the bar; go to a coffee shop and play backgammon; go to an amusement arcade and game with other kids; hang out in the common areas of your hotel or guesthouse. If all else fails, join a group tour. It’s really, really easy to meet people provided you’re open.

36. In Most Parts of the World, If You Have Money to Travel, You Are Rich Beyond Folk’s Wildest Dreams. An international flight, even on bucket shop airline tickets, represents more disposable income than 95% of the world’s population will have during their entire lifetime, so haggling over pennies will likely piss them off.

37. White Water Rafting Should Actually Be Called Dinghying. Yep. They’re just like those inflatable boats you took to the beach as a kid, only bigger.

38. There’s No Point Hurrying. Race through places checking off big ticket sites and you might as well be on a coach tour.

39. Your Bucket List Will Always Grow. I don’t have a bucket list. I want to go everywhere, pretty much. But there’s not enough time in a lifetime to see all there is in the world.

40. Hyper-Buoyancy Hurts. In the Dead Sea and other salt lakes the fabulous, floaty water contains more than plain old sodium chloride. And that stings.

41. Most Poor People Live Greener Lives than the Greenest First World Citizen. Next time you meet an eco-tourist, ask them if they swam. Because flying halfway round the world and back to pet turtles that would better be cared for by their impoverished local community at an infinitesimal proportion of the carbon cost and a living wage is nothing to feel smug about.

42. The Turkish for “One Beer” is “Bir Bira”. What? You don’t find that funny?! What is WRONG with you?! OK. The Turkish for 81 is “sex ‘n’ beer”.

43. With Good Buildings, You Don’t Need A/C. Most traditional design styles were designed to work with the local climate. A well-built structure in any temperature will be tolerable with only a fan and need less heat in winter than a non-traditional design.

44. Tonal Languages Are As Hard As You Think They Are. A syllable that sounds the same to Western ears can have six or eight different meanings according to the tones, which also subtly morph the sound of the vowels, and sometimes the consonants too.

45. Where There Are Camels, There Are Camel Boys. My first full sentence in Egyptian Arabic – and I am not making this up – was “No thank you, I don’t want a camel.” Children draw camel boys like shit draws flies.

46. If You’re Petting A Wild Animal, Something Nasty Has Been Done To It. Why doesn’t that cuddly tiger/orangutan/panda bite? Because it’s traumatised, doped or both.

47. There Is Always A Toilet Worse Than The Last One. After a couple of months of bathrooms in China, including the patented communal trench, I thought loos could get no worse. Then I climbed Mount Sinai. Somewhere in the world there is always a worse bathroom than the one you are hovering over, trying not to to throw up.

48. After Too Many Languages, Your Brain Just Freezes. Unless you are blessed as a polyglot, after too much pidgin in too many languages, your brain will eventually say “No more.” (Tip from a true polyglot? “After the first five languages, the rest are easy.”)

49. Most Boys Love Vehicles. Tricycles, tuk-tuks, pickup trucks, jeeps, trains, boats – all grist to the mill of the average boy child. Mixing up the vehicles will sweeten any journey.

50. There Are More Fruits In The World Than There Are In Any Dictionary. Any large fruit and veg market, almost anywhere outside the desert, provides a cornucopia of new fruit. So too will a lengthy jungle trip.

51. Variety is the Spice of Life. In Asia, you get over temples, jungles and tropical beaches. In Europe, you get over castles and churches. In the Middle East, you get over ruins and desert. So it’s good to mix things up.

52. Sleeper Trains Rock. There is nothing so fabulous as falling asleep to the rhythms of a train, then waking up at your destination.

53. Somewhere Between Age 8 and Age 12, Your Child Becomes Fitter Than You. You will probably first notice this when your spawn whizzes past you as you are lumbering, panting, up a hill. That doesn’t mean they’ll carry their own stuff, mind…

54. Good Cocktails Are Hard To Find. I can’t believe how many top-end international bars still can’t make a decent Manhattan, Martini, Negroni or Old-Fashioned.

55. You Know You’re A Long Way from Civilisation When… People haven’t heard of Angelina Jolie or David Beckham, and no one has a mobile phone.

56. If You’re Even Vaguely Serious About Diving, Get a Dive Computer. There are few things more discombobulating – not to mention downright dangerous – than having a depth gauge that drops you from 26m to 36m in a second (or, worse, vice versa). Dive computers are light, portable, and tell you where you are in the water and how long you can stay down there at any time.

57. It Is Hard to Get Bored of Theme Parks. I’m a sucker for theme parks. But the number of cultural variations on the Disney ripoff theme is just phenomenal — you haven’t lived until you’ve ridden Singapore’s Battlestar Galactica rollercoaster.

58. If It Looks Dangerous, It Probably Is. If the boat you’re hiring looks leaky, it probably is. If that water slide looks like you could break your neck on it, you probably could. And, yes, cave tubing is not a good idea.

59. Local Hooch Won’t Always Send You Blind. As a connoisseur of 80p whisky and veteran of the fine local firewaters of Africa and Asia, I’ve yet to acquire more than a bad headache. That said… If the locals warn you off it, it’s probably because it recently killed someone.

60. On Land or Underwater, an Active Volcano is Super-Cool. Watching rocks glowing in the dark, or fireworks spouting from the top of a mountain, or steam hissing from subterranean vents with weird creatures living around them, is just incredible.

61. Almost Every Country Has Their Version of the Irish Joke. In China it’s the Japanese. In Costa Rica, it’s Nicaraguans. In Egypt, it’s, umm, Egyptians. Go figure.

62. Loads of Cities Have Science Museums. But a “history of science” museum is not the same thing at all. Unless you’re really, REALLY into astrolabes.

63. If a Beggar Has a Well-Fed Baby, She’s Likely Renting It Out. At popular tourist spots in the developing world, begging pitches are sold like any other business. And, where women’s own babies are too big to tug the heartstrings, they’ll hire one.

64. The Lebanese Might Be The Scariest Drivers in the World. Erratic driving,limited training and a heroic disregard for blind bends are part and parcel on roads in much of the world. The problem in Lebanon is that drivers have access to lots of booze and really fast cars, creating a particularly toxic mix.

65. If There’s More Than One of You, You Might As Well Do the Group Tour Solo. Full disclosure: I loathe group tours. But it’s often actually cheaper to get places either by public transport or hire vehicle or even with a driver than to front up for a day trip, once there are two or more of you.

66. If the Local Kids Are Swimming There, It’s Probably Safe. Charming river beach by a village, with no kids in the water? Expect crocodiles, currents, hideous parasites or all of the above. Ugly-looking surf with 5 year olds frolicking in it? It should be fine.

67. Check a Boat Before You Hire It. When it comes to watercraft in the developing world, the rule “buyer beware” is well-applied. Check for leaks, and ask to see the engine started. If it’s an outboard, request a spare.

68. Sexuality is a Cultural Construct. A ladyboy in Thailand or the Philippines has a different sexuality from TG or TS folk in the UK. In much of the Middle East, female virginity remains a saleable asset and critical to family honour.

69. Travel Food Cravings Make Pregnancy Look Like a Walk in the Park. You know that feeling when you’d just love a packet of salt ‘n’ vinegar crisps? Or Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups? And you’re a thousand miles away from the nearest source? Yowsers…

70. Cutting Your Own Hair Is Easier Than It Seems. In a place where everyone has dead straight hair, or tight curls, you’re probably better off catering to your annoying kinky hair yourself.

71. If It Sounds Too Good to be True, It Probably Is. Anywhere in the world where there are wealthy tourists and poor people, there are scams. Most scams cater to egoism, ignorance and greed. Ignore and walk on by. And don’t feel bad if you fall for one.

72. PCs are Not As Cute as Macs But They’re Cheaper and Easier to Fix. I’m a Mac junkie. Yet, at the same time, getting through one about every 18 months, I’m wondering if it would be smarter to move back to something that doesn’t require a registered reseller to mend.

73. In Much of the World, It’s Actually Impossible to Buy Legitimate Cinema. DVDs? Fake. Legal download services? Not available. Cinemas? Fuhgeddaboutit.

74. There’s No Particular Difference Between Travel Clothes and Normal Clothes. You don’t need special sandals, special underwear, or special shirts for most types of travel. Climate appropriate will do fine.

75. Folk Love Kids, and Babies Even Better. Care for children is ingrained deep into the human psyche. With a small child or a baby, you’re guaranteed to be the centre of attention.

76. You Haven’t Tasted Chinese Food Until You’ve Been To China. Most Western variations are a pallid adaptation of the real deal.

77. Organic, in the Developing World, Has Insects. When operating without pesticides, unless you’re prepared to invest time developing food you can sell at Whole Foods Market prices, bugs and maggots go with the territory.

78. The Concept of Rare Meat Is Not Universally Understood. In some parts of the world, you can explain at whatever length you like and in as many languages as you like that you’d like that piece of beef cooked for no more than 60 seconds each side and it will still come out as shoe leather. In lots of cultures raw, or even rare meat, is associated with parasites and sickness.

79. Most Folk Will Feel Like Giants in Laos and Cambodia. Over a US size 6? Bring spare clothes, as even an XXXL will probably strain. Also, expect to have a Shallow Hal effect on boats.

80. The Best Places in the Middle East for Pork are Lebanon and Israel. Prosciutto? Salami? Bacon? Proper sausages? Bring it on!

81. Cooking Over a Three-Stone Fire is an Art. And one that takes time to acquire, even with dry wood and palm fronds.

82. Babies That Aren’t Left To Cry Don’t Cry Much. The developed West is the only culture I’ve come across where babies are routinely left to cry. And, not entirely coincidentally, our babies cry a lot.

83. Guidebooks are Really Helpful. It’s really, really handy to have a map, transport guidance, a historical background and a list of non-horrid hotels in your bag, although it’s up to you whether and how you use it. (Comparison with Tripadvisor here.)

84. Most People Look Stupid In A National Dress That’s Not Their Own. Tartan in Scotland? Beret in Paris? Gellabiya in the Middle East? Yeah, you’re going to look silly. And, sometimes, that’s OK. In fact, some people even look stupid in their own national dress.

85. Avoid Any Entertainment Featuring Folkloric Dance. The food will be overpriced, the audience will be overweight, and the entertainment will leave you feeling stabby.

86. In Some Parts of the World a Bikini Is At Least As Inflammatory as Nude with Stripper Heels. And in those parts of the world, there are bigger feminist battles to be fought than a foreigner’s right to walk around butt naked.

87. Even with Vertigo, Ziplining is Fun. Whizzing over jungles and canyons at top speed just is super-exciting. (For vertigo sufferers, the difficult bit is getting to the top.)

88. In Some Parts of the World, Charging People for Photos is a Job. And, if someone wants a few pence for the privilege of joining your photo album, why the hell not give it to them?

89. Go to the Desert When the Sand’s Cool Enough To Walk On In Bare Feet. Cos then you can run down sand dunes! And roll down sand dunes! And swim down sand dunes! And who doesn’t like doing that?

90. The Problem with Sand Tobogganing and Sand Boarding is Getting to the Top of the Dune. I am so, so up for this the second they bring in a ski lift system.

91. In Most of Asia, Passport Photos Come With PhotoShop. Yep! Your humble passport photo will be treated by the same crack team that are airbrushing a perfectly attractive bride and groom to within an inch of their lives.

92. Where Staring Is Culturally Normal, It Cuts Both Ways. Rural Indonesia and parts of China are full of mobile phone photographers with a keen interest in visitors, and in most of Asia staring is part of daily life. On the plus side, it means you can stare right back.

93. You Don’t Regret The Things You Do, But The Things You Didn’t Do. Each “bad” decision brings a new adventure.

94.It Takes a Long Time To Get That Picture Postcard Shot. Landscape photography is an art. And the people who are good at it are the ones who’ll spend hours walking round and round looking for the right angle, then come back the next day when the light is right.

95. Don’t Argue with Men in Uniform. At borders, checkpoints and with police and soldiers of any kind, politeness really pays.

96. People Are People, All Over the World. A nomadic hunter-gatherer with magic in the rattan bands around his waist will love his kids, enjoy a joke and want a purpose in his life as much as anyone you’ve ever met.

97. Banana Leaves Make Excellent Plates and Tables. And they grow back in nanoseconds. Amazing.

98. There Has Never Been a Better Time or Place to be a Woman than in the 21st Century Developed West. From life expectancy to reproductive rights to equality of employment and education, ladies, we have never had it so good.

99. Laundry Is The Bane of Long-Term Travel. It’s easy to become borderline obsessed with laundry – or even, for that matter, laundry bags.

100. Travel Is A Privilege. Only a tiny fraction of the world’s population will ever leave the country in which they were born. Anyone who can travel is lucky as hell…

So, all in all, I should probably quit whinging…