What Does An 80p Whisky Taste Like?

This is Tiger Whisky, Laos’ finest intoxicant.

Or, as the label has it, “Finest blended SUPER Tiger Whisky Smooth and Mellon” [sic].

And who wouldn’t trust a whisky with the manufacturer’s mobile phone number on the label?

Free shots of this stuff fuel the riverside bars of Vang Vieng, Laos, where we’ve returned for tubing, kayaking and caving.

Tiger retails in the foreigner-friendly stores around this backpacker boomtown for a princely 10,000 kip for a 750ml bottle of 40% (80 proof) hooch. That’s, roughly, 80 British pence, or US$1.25, per bottle, or approximately 5 pence a shot.

God only knows what Tiger costs when bought in bulk. But, clearly, significantly less than the rice moonshine known as lao lao, which is generally sold by the jerry can and occasionally causes blindness.

I would imagine it’s the perfect accompaniment to the other exotica you’ll find on the menus of the riverside bars. (And, yes, drugs are illegal in Laos.)

So… What does an 80p whisky taste like?

Well, it would be fair to say that Tiger is not a “sipping” whisky. Not one to be rolled around the mouth and savoured, with or without ice. Definitely not one for the connoisseur.

It’s normally consumed as free shots from the bottle, or, occasionally, shot glasses or sawn-off bamboo tubes, or mixed into the backpacker South-East Asia favourite “buckets” (small plastic buckets filled with “cocktails” — and, disturbingly, also used to flush the loo).

Tiger’s colour is suspiciously dark for a whisky without an age statement – or a whisky from anywhere under the rule of international law. It has the brown and slightly cloudy hue of the urine of an unwell buffalo.

The taste? Well, surprisingly smooth, if not exactly “mellon”.

Sufficient sweetening has been added – I’d guess, from the colour, of the caramel kind, rather than the antifreeze variety – to make it, if you ignore the fact it’s supposed to be a whisky, quite gulpable.

There’s a little bit of spirit burn, sufficient for it to feel like you’re genuinely consuming a shot. But not one hint of the classic, smoky, woody, fruity taste of whisky.

Tiger is, essentially, the perfect whisky for anyone who doesn’t like whisky. And quite possibly the cheapest way to get drunk fast outside of a Siberian prison.

What’s the roughest spirit you’ve ever drunk? Drop me a line and let me know…